"I Highly Doubt That"
T/W: Mentions of sexual violence.
Caitlin Evans
27 March 2021
27 March 2021
There will come a time when flirting between man and woman will no longer exist. And then women will complain about the total absence of men on the dating frontline. Just because of these kind of silly news. Mark my words.
The news of Durham alumni Sarah Everard’s murder is truly shocking. My thoughts are with her friends and family and to all of those this has affected, or those of you who have been victims of sexual assault when going about your day and should feel safe doing so, but don’t. The disappearance of Sarah has resonated with so many women, because on her walk home on that Wednesday evening, she did everything right. She followed the standard rules that we as women have been told from a young age: you wear sensible shoes, you don’t get too drunk, you don’t wear headphones late at night, you carry your keys, you call someone on your way home and then text friends to let them know that you are home if you’ve walked home by yourself. Women should be able to walk home without the fear of going missing.
That seems a bit far-fetched lol 97%. Who does these figures lmao
According to the UN Women UK survey, 97% of young women in the UK have been sexually harassed. So, virtually all young women in the UK have been subjected to sexual harassment, which warns that most women have lost faith that the abuse will be dealt with. Among women aged 18-24, 97% said they had been sexually harassed, while 80% of women of all ages said they had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. Most women will have found this statistic unsurprising. A post from FGRLS CLUB reads: ‘despite the fact that 50% of the population identify as female, we cannot leave a friend’s house on a Wednesday night and feel certain that we’ll make it home. And, that’s not even accounting for fact that our streets, the ones we so easily call home are even more dangerous for trans women.’ Transgender individuals and communities experience shocking amounts of violence and discrimination. In addition to experiencing high rates of domestic and sexual violence, trans and non-binary people are often the targets of transphobic hate crimes and state violence.
I believe most of them are over exaggerated
Claire Barnett executive director of UN Women UK gave the following statement: “this is a human rights crisis. It’s just not enough for us to keep saying ‘this is too difficult a problem for us to solve’ – it needs addressing now. We are looking at a situation where younger women are constantly modifying their behaviour in an attempt to avoid being objectified or attacked, and older women are reporting serious concerns about personal safety if they ever leave the house in the dark – even during the daytime in the winter.”
Doesn’t surprise me because it’s not true
Furthermore, the YouGov survey of more than 1,000 women exposes a damning lack of faith in the UK authorities’ desire and ability to deal with sexual harassment – 96% of respondents did not report incidents, with 45% saying it would not change anything.
Wonder what the statistics are for men? Or why this question never seems to be asked for men?
This brings me on to the problem with #notallmen… It is true, yes, that obviously not all men harm women. But, with one in three women worldwide experiencing sexual assault in her lifetime, it is safer for us to assume that all men have the potential to attack us. When women talk about their experiences of assault, they are in no way insinuating men don’t get assaulted. This isn’t a war of men vs. women, this is normal people vs. rapists.
Self-declared ‘feminist-in-progress’ Jameela Jamil poses the question; do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? If you’re not actively on the side of ending violence against women, then that puts you automatically on the side of condoning it.
The thing is, no one wants to be branded as a potential threat. But your pride isn’t the important thing here. Your misdirected anger at women who speak out is ridiculous. Why are you not angry at the men who are committing these awful crimes, because they are the ones who are making you look bad?
What about men?
It is also important to note that men are not safe at night either. Statistically speaking, men are also endangered. The difference? The vast majority where this threat comes from is OTHER MEN. Men started it, and you know what, they can finish it by doing the work and actively standing with us.
A phrase I have seen numerous times on my timeline is: “I would never sexually assault a woman”. I mean, congrats? What do you want me to say to that? Thank you?!?! Well, actually, that all depends on whether you are, for instance, calling out your friends when they make a rape joke? Or whether you stop them making degrading comments to women? Or, do you call out catcalling on the street? No? So right now, I’m not going to thank you for “not assaulting women”. That is the bare minimum and you don’t deserve praise for it.
Use your male privilege to call out rape culture when you see it. Yes, calling out your friends is a tough thing to do. But you need to use your voice to amplify ours. Putting down any woman brave enough to speak about her assault by screaming “not all men” doesn’t deserve any gratification. The other side of the equation is the power that social media has right now. As a woman, I am appreciative of men who are sharing posts and creating space for these discussions, but also, I am appreciative of the men who are giving all women the space to stand together in solidarity. The problem I have is the intention behind every decision to post or not to post. If you are filling your social media with posts saying that you are standing in solidarity, ask yourself what exactly this is achieving? Yes, it keeps the conversation going and even though a post isn’t a lot, it is something… but for how long did you keep up these conversations? Sharing is not prevention, it is the bare minimum that you should do as a human being, and this shouldn’t be glorified into a display of heroism; just because you’re willing to cross the road in case it makes a girl feel uncomfortable, does that automatically translate into an ‘I will always step in and help?’ Honestly, I’m not so sure. You need to be active as an ally to women against femicide to really help us, and still be having these conversations – be it calling out friends or intervening in a situation.
For me, the bottom line is: everything in the media recently has been upsetting and difficult to process. But, sadly, this is not something that is going to go away overnight. As a young woman, all I ask from men is that you stand by women. The most important point that I am trying to make and want you to take away from this article is the intention behind your actions are what really speaks volumes.This is the time where actions are always going to speak louder than words – or right now, social media posts. The conversation will inevitably die down; this is just what happens because then we’ll move on to the next thing. But all I really ask right now, is that you do something with this. Call out your friends, have difficult conversations, and honestly, just don’t be a dickhead.
I will end on this quote from Suzie Joughin, she is not an influencer, or a celebrity or anyone well-known. She just decided to use her voice on social media: ‘To everyone who posted pictures of women who inspire them on IWD then subsequently went on to make derogatory remarks about women you do not know, have a little word with yourself and do better.’ The bottom line is, the comments you make about women, be them high profile or just someone you walk past in the street, well, those comments may not be heard by that person in question. But these comments will be heard by the friends that you disclose these comments to. Ask yourself, would that same friend come to you if they needed your support, your advice, or just for someone to believe them and their story? Men, it’s time to do better.
*All subheadings of this article are comments that have been taken from a variety of social media pages about all of the matters discussed in this article.
Important information
Durham Reclaim The Night: A Vigil for Sarah Everard was held on Monday 15th March online. This was an opportunity for people to safely pay their respects to Sarah and her family, and any other women whose lives have been changed or sadly lost despite doing everything right.
When Sarah Everard was at Durham, she was a student at Cuths. In response to the tragic news of her disappearance and further developments, St Cuthbert's Society JCR have organised this fundraiser on behalf of Wearside Women in Need in honour of Sarah. Donations can be made through the following link: Madeleine Wilson is fundraising for Wearside Women In Need (justgiving.com)
The University’s Welfare Services can also provide support to anyone who feels deeply affected by the case through the following link: Health and Wellbeing Hub - Durham University
Additionally, college welfare teams and student support officers will always offer their advice and support to anyone who needs it.
The news of Durham alumni Sarah Everard’s murder is truly shocking. My thoughts are with her friends and family and to all of those this has affected, or those of you who have been victims of sexual assault when going about your day and should feel safe doing so, but don’t. The disappearance of Sarah has resonated with so many women, because on her walk home on that Wednesday evening, she did everything right. She followed the standard rules that we as women have been told from a young age: you wear sensible shoes, you don’t get too drunk, you don’t wear headphones late at night, you carry your keys, you call someone on your way home and then text friends to let them know that you are home if you’ve walked home by yourself. Women should be able to walk home without the fear of going missing.
That seems a bit far-fetched lol 97%. Who does these figures lmao
According to the UN Women UK survey, 97% of young women in the UK have been sexually harassed. So, virtually all young women in the UK have been subjected to sexual harassment, which warns that most women have lost faith that the abuse will be dealt with. Among women aged 18-24, 97% said they had been sexually harassed, while 80% of women of all ages said they had experienced sexual harassment in public spaces. Most women will have found this statistic unsurprising. A post from FGRLS CLUB reads: ‘despite the fact that 50% of the population identify as female, we cannot leave a friend’s house on a Wednesday night and feel certain that we’ll make it home. And, that’s not even accounting for fact that our streets, the ones we so easily call home are even more dangerous for trans women.’ Transgender individuals and communities experience shocking amounts of violence and discrimination. In addition to experiencing high rates of domestic and sexual violence, trans and non-binary people are often the targets of transphobic hate crimes and state violence.
I believe most of them are over exaggerated
Claire Barnett executive director of UN Women UK gave the following statement: “this is a human rights crisis. It’s just not enough for us to keep saying ‘this is too difficult a problem for us to solve’ – it needs addressing now. We are looking at a situation where younger women are constantly modifying their behaviour in an attempt to avoid being objectified or attacked, and older women are reporting serious concerns about personal safety if they ever leave the house in the dark – even during the daytime in the winter.”
Doesn’t surprise me because it’s not true
Furthermore, the YouGov survey of more than 1,000 women exposes a damning lack of faith in the UK authorities’ desire and ability to deal with sexual harassment – 96% of respondents did not report incidents, with 45% saying it would not change anything.
Wonder what the statistics are for men? Or why this question never seems to be asked for men?
This brings me on to the problem with #notallmen… It is true, yes, that obviously not all men harm women. But, with one in three women worldwide experiencing sexual assault in her lifetime, it is safer for us to assume that all men have the potential to attack us. When women talk about their experiences of assault, they are in no way insinuating men don’t get assaulted. This isn’t a war of men vs. women, this is normal people vs. rapists.
Self-declared ‘feminist-in-progress’ Jameela Jamil poses the question; do all men work to make sure their fellow men do not harm women? If you’re not actively on the side of ending violence against women, then that puts you automatically on the side of condoning it.
The thing is, no one wants to be branded as a potential threat. But your pride isn’t the important thing here. Your misdirected anger at women who speak out is ridiculous. Why are you not angry at the men who are committing these awful crimes, because they are the ones who are making you look bad?
What about men?
It is also important to note that men are not safe at night either. Statistically speaking, men are also endangered. The difference? The vast majority where this threat comes from is OTHER MEN. Men started it, and you know what, they can finish it by doing the work and actively standing with us.
A phrase I have seen numerous times on my timeline is: “I would never sexually assault a woman”. I mean, congrats? What do you want me to say to that? Thank you?!?! Well, actually, that all depends on whether you are, for instance, calling out your friends when they make a rape joke? Or whether you stop them making degrading comments to women? Or, do you call out catcalling on the street? No? So right now, I’m not going to thank you for “not assaulting women”. That is the bare minimum and you don’t deserve praise for it.
Use your male privilege to call out rape culture when you see it. Yes, calling out your friends is a tough thing to do. But you need to use your voice to amplify ours. Putting down any woman brave enough to speak about her assault by screaming “not all men” doesn’t deserve any gratification. The other side of the equation is the power that social media has right now. As a woman, I am appreciative of men who are sharing posts and creating space for these discussions, but also, I am appreciative of the men who are giving all women the space to stand together in solidarity. The problem I have is the intention behind every decision to post or not to post. If you are filling your social media with posts saying that you are standing in solidarity, ask yourself what exactly this is achieving? Yes, it keeps the conversation going and even though a post isn’t a lot, it is something… but for how long did you keep up these conversations? Sharing is not prevention, it is the bare minimum that you should do as a human being, and this shouldn’t be glorified into a display of heroism; just because you’re willing to cross the road in case it makes a girl feel uncomfortable, does that automatically translate into an ‘I will always step in and help?’ Honestly, I’m not so sure. You need to be active as an ally to women against femicide to really help us, and still be having these conversations – be it calling out friends or intervening in a situation.
For me, the bottom line is: everything in the media recently has been upsetting and difficult to process. But, sadly, this is not something that is going to go away overnight. As a young woman, all I ask from men is that you stand by women. The most important point that I am trying to make and want you to take away from this article is the intention behind your actions are what really speaks volumes.This is the time where actions are always going to speak louder than words – or right now, social media posts. The conversation will inevitably die down; this is just what happens because then we’ll move on to the next thing. But all I really ask right now, is that you do something with this. Call out your friends, have difficult conversations, and honestly, just don’t be a dickhead.
I will end on this quote from Suzie Joughin, she is not an influencer, or a celebrity or anyone well-known. She just decided to use her voice on social media: ‘To everyone who posted pictures of women who inspire them on IWD then subsequently went on to make derogatory remarks about women you do not know, have a little word with yourself and do better.’ The bottom line is, the comments you make about women, be them high profile or just someone you walk past in the street, well, those comments may not be heard by that person in question. But these comments will be heard by the friends that you disclose these comments to. Ask yourself, would that same friend come to you if they needed your support, your advice, or just for someone to believe them and their story? Men, it’s time to do better.
*All subheadings of this article are comments that have been taken from a variety of social media pages about all of the matters discussed in this article.
Important information
Durham Reclaim The Night: A Vigil for Sarah Everard was held on Monday 15th March online. This was an opportunity for people to safely pay their respects to Sarah and her family, and any other women whose lives have been changed or sadly lost despite doing everything right.
When Sarah Everard was at Durham, she was a student at Cuths. In response to the tragic news of her disappearance and further developments, St Cuthbert's Society JCR have organised this fundraiser on behalf of Wearside Women in Need in honour of Sarah. Donations can be made through the following link: Madeleine Wilson is fundraising for Wearside Women In Need (justgiving.com)
The University’s Welfare Services can also provide support to anyone who feels deeply affected by the case through the following link: Health and Wellbeing Hub - Durham University
Additionally, college welfare teams and student support officers will always offer their advice and support to anyone who needs it.