Queer Self-Love and Reflection through Queer Life Drawing
I first came across Queer Life Drawing during the January 2021 lockdown through Leo Mateus’ Instagram page. I had been following him for a while because of the beautiful trans art they make. I was first attracted to them because of a piece they did of a transmasc Greek god and fell in love instantly. I remember the feeling of shock and joy at seeing someone who looked like the person I wanted to look like in the future in front of me: it was revelatory. Through Leo I heard about Queer Life Drawing via his story and decided to go along to my first session in March 2021 and it was magical. We sat together on Zoom, drawing together and enjoying the incredibly queer and sober safe space that I’ve been searching for since my childhood.
Callen Mckeon is the organiser of Queer Life Drawing, which is a weekly online life drawing series featuring exclusively queer models. Each session is divided into two sections: the first with several short poses and the second with one longer pose. There’s a 15-minute break in the middle where you can chat with people, or turn your camera off, grab some water and have a stretch. The
entire session is a safe and sober space where people can come and appreciate queer bodies. It has challenged my perceptions of beauty and how growing up in a capitalistic, colonised, fatphobic and ableist world had affected me. I feel blessed to have experienced other people's queer joy and to share in that joy through the medium of art.
After the wonderful experience of life drawing with Cal, I went to one of their six-week life drawing courses which rekindled my love of art and reminded me what I want to be doing with my life. Every week for two hours I’d sit for two hours on Zoom and draw beautiful people and learn about anatomy that was inclusive, not fatphobic, not ableist and so very queer! We shared our art if we wanted to, took breaks when we needed and talked about art and queerness all in the same place. It was after one of these sessions this that I considered modelling for the first time, so I got my phone camera out, took the lamp off my partner's desk and gave it a go. I was so nervous exploring my body like this; the shots were badly lit, never had all of me in frame, but was queer, pre-surgery, trying my best and getting closer and closer to being myself. Taking the photos made me focus on the bits of
my body I was uncomfortable with and reminded me at how joyful it felt to be thinking about the future and things changing in my life. The feeling of being myself and feeling comfortable in my body was the gender euphoria I needed during lockdown. In June, I got top surgery and I took more photos of myself. The comparison in my expression was enlightening; you don’t realise the weight of something on you until its lifted.
Queer Life Drawing and modelling have been with me throughout the most important parts of my life over the last year in one form or another. I was in Cal’s life drawing class the day before my top surgery consultation; I went to Queer Life Drawing two days before top surgery and everyone wished me luck; I modelled before and after my surgery. I made peace with my body. I found friends, community, and solidarity in the two hours I’d spend drawing. I did my first Queer Life Drawing session modelling as my very queer persona, Emory. It felt like the whole world had opened for me; I fully came out as trans on my Instagram, shared my persona and my queer disabled body with strangers and for the first time in my life I felt like myself. It was beautiful to pose for people to draw me with my partner (whom I met through QLD) behind the camera and my fiancé on Zoom; I felt so grounded and connect to other people and myself in a way I hadn’t felt before.
Queer Life Drawing has created a space for me to express myself and feel fully at home in my body. It facilitated me exploring my gender, changing my pronouns, and working out what I want out of life; I know now that I want to be loud and myself in whatever form that takes, making sure I never stop lifting up other marginalised voices.
You can find Benjamin's personal account @benjamin.southwick, their art @emoryartmodel and music @benjaminalexandermusic on Instagram. References can be found on queerartmodels.com.
People mentioned:
Queer Life Drawing @queerlifedrawing
Leo Mateus @mrleomateusart
Callen Mckeon @callenmckeon
Emory @emoryartmodel
Callen Mckeon is the organiser of Queer Life Drawing, which is a weekly online life drawing series featuring exclusively queer models. Each session is divided into two sections: the first with several short poses and the second with one longer pose. There’s a 15-minute break in the middle where you can chat with people, or turn your camera off, grab some water and have a stretch. The
entire session is a safe and sober space where people can come and appreciate queer bodies. It has challenged my perceptions of beauty and how growing up in a capitalistic, colonised, fatphobic and ableist world had affected me. I feel blessed to have experienced other people's queer joy and to share in that joy through the medium of art.
After the wonderful experience of life drawing with Cal, I went to one of their six-week life drawing courses which rekindled my love of art and reminded me what I want to be doing with my life. Every week for two hours I’d sit for two hours on Zoom and draw beautiful people and learn about anatomy that was inclusive, not fatphobic, not ableist and so very queer! We shared our art if we wanted to, took breaks when we needed and talked about art and queerness all in the same place. It was after one of these sessions this that I considered modelling for the first time, so I got my phone camera out, took the lamp off my partner's desk and gave it a go. I was so nervous exploring my body like this; the shots were badly lit, never had all of me in frame, but was queer, pre-surgery, trying my best and getting closer and closer to being myself. Taking the photos made me focus on the bits of
my body I was uncomfortable with and reminded me at how joyful it felt to be thinking about the future and things changing in my life. The feeling of being myself and feeling comfortable in my body was the gender euphoria I needed during lockdown. In June, I got top surgery and I took more photos of myself. The comparison in my expression was enlightening; you don’t realise the weight of something on you until its lifted.
Queer Life Drawing and modelling have been with me throughout the most important parts of my life over the last year in one form or another. I was in Cal’s life drawing class the day before my top surgery consultation; I went to Queer Life Drawing two days before top surgery and everyone wished me luck; I modelled before and after my surgery. I made peace with my body. I found friends, community, and solidarity in the two hours I’d spend drawing. I did my first Queer Life Drawing session modelling as my very queer persona, Emory. It felt like the whole world had opened for me; I fully came out as trans on my Instagram, shared my persona and my queer disabled body with strangers and for the first time in my life I felt like myself. It was beautiful to pose for people to draw me with my partner (whom I met through QLD) behind the camera and my fiancé on Zoom; I felt so grounded and connect to other people and myself in a way I hadn’t felt before.
Queer Life Drawing has created a space for me to express myself and feel fully at home in my body. It facilitated me exploring my gender, changing my pronouns, and working out what I want out of life; I know now that I want to be loud and myself in whatever form that takes, making sure I never stop lifting up other marginalised voices.
You can find Benjamin's personal account @benjamin.southwick, their art @emoryartmodel and music @benjaminalexandermusic on Instagram. References can be found on queerartmodels.com.
People mentioned:
Queer Life Drawing @queerlifedrawing
Leo Mateus @mrleomateusart
Callen Mckeon @callenmckeon
Emory @emoryartmodel